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Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Don't make resolutions....Make Standards!

Happy New Year, BLISSers,
Earlier this month, at my sorority meeting, one of my sorors made a poignant statement. She stated, "Everyone make resolutions, and by March they fall apart, but when you make standards for you life it sets the bar for your life." Or something like that, anywhoo.

So this year I making standards:
As I think about 2016 and what I don't want to bring with me. I think about the thing that has crept into my life like full force since 2015.
My fear....
It has overwhelmed me in some many ways in every aspect of myself, and like Amira I'm thinking about my life in terms of fear and how it has held me back. While I'm afraid to clearly declare this as a year no fear (I know sounds counterintuitive) I'm hoping by sharing the things I feel anxious about it'll help me (or you find some common ground) and motivate each other to move forward. I need to get over this excessive fear that rules my life which I think is at the center of all my problems and what is hindering from moving forward.

I think this was one of the best and worst years of my life in terms of love. It was the first time in 2 1/2 years, that I found myself in love. And while it came as fast as it left, but it gave me hope that he exist, but again it left me jaded.
I had an emotional breakdown when driving home one day, like full ugly tears breakdown in my car, when I realized I was trying to recapture that magic with an older paramour because I was afraid that he was the best that I could do. I felt like another man of his caliber would never want me again. After I came to that realization, and stopped the tears long enough to make it off of 295, it was like an aha moment when I realized I found myself putting up with a lot of things like hella inconsistency and flakiness.  I began to introspectively realize that I was giving men chance after to chance to continue to hurt me.  I knew that a change needed to happen within me because you can't play the victim when you are handing out the permission slip.
I'm still a bit jaded because it take a while to release that weight, but I think I'm a lot more positive  with love and I've adopted a three strikes and you're out policy and that applies to the following things:
1. Cancellations-where I have to contact you for you tell me your cancelling. Like I get it things happen but you need to have enough respect for me and my time to at least give me a heads up and courtesy call that you are not coming.
2. Communication/consistency- You will get deleted and blocked, if you are inconsistent. Please read Amira's previous post on being equally yoked. I know my expectations and what is the level of communication and quality time I need, I am finally learning to be unapologetic about it.
3. Standards- I think this is the hardest one, I often feel so guilty about rejecting people because I'm inherently a people pleaser. I am constantly trying to put a square peg in a round hole. If he doesn't meet my standards, and I'm not talking about the superficial like 6 foot, chocolate skin, but things that matter like goals, ambition, and drive. I'm starting to realize that's okay to just say you are not where I need a partner to be and move on from there.

As far as my 9-5 (or 8:30-5), I'm actually in a really good spot, but I have room for growth and I feel like I'm going there, but I'm talking about my side hustle. My makeup! Makeup Monday's are a labor of love for me. But I do want to expand into for more freelancing and classes, I just need to what...STOP BEING AFRAID! Lol.  But I'm trying to realize that everyone that succeeds,fails and that's the only thing that has to take me through all of my anxiety. So here goes nothing!

I am learning to be unapologetically me. There are so many (well meaning of course) telling me what I need to do and what direction I need to go, that sometimes I have to close my eyes and do what's right for me. So my standard for my life is to do the things that make me happy even if mean sitting on the couch for 6 hours watching "A Different World" on Netflix, it's what is making me happy.

I know that things are not always going to go my way, but I feel that if I truly set standards in all aspects of my life that I can go by that 2016 might actually be my best year yet!

So what are your standards for 2016?

Leave it in the comments below.

Toodles Darlings,

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