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So lately I've been seeing a lot of do's and don'ts for online dating. Oh online dating, a way to meet potential suitors only once reserved for only the ugly and the geekest of the super geek, but now most singles are at least subscribed to one and more people day by day are jumping on these websites to simply give themselves more of an opportunity to hopefully connect to someone:
Since Valentine's day is around the corner, yes it's a on a weekend (compound the lonely factor a weekend and it's Valentine's day and you're A LONE) many of you are working overtime to find a boo, hell even have a date. Believe me we are in the same boat, but I have a master plan to making sure the lack of dates aren't about you but them. Here are my rules for at least making sure you're not the reason for the lack of love in your inbox.
1. Don't only use headshots:
Nothing says I have zero confidence in myself like a profile with only headshots. We understand your 4 angles with different lippies must be seen, but what about you in the bad dress you got a clearance from ASOS the one that hits you in all your good good, yes, that picture. Who cares if you're a big girl! Own it and be confident, believe me a lot of men whether they admit it or not like a little cushion for the pushin' and the sexiest thing on a woman should be her confidence. What's says I'm more confident than your body for the world to see like #pow! No blurry or fuzzy pictures either you're not fooling anyone!
Be warned, if the pictures you chose to post are only of you in you skimpiest -all- skin-out-barely- covering- your- nipples-dress, I said to post a full body in a sexy dress not lingerie. For my blissguys, full on ab and muscle pictures, or the several stacks $100 bills on your dresser or using them as the new and upgraded Chinese fan, please don't wonder why you're only attracting losers. Flossing your goods, money or otherwise, only shows me that your personality has nothing of value and you think you have to lure someone in by using these items. Remember: Real G's move in silence and those pictures are screaming, in all caps: "DO NOT EMAIL THIS PERSON"
Another picture advice item: please don't only be in your bedroom when taking pictures, please at least pretend like you have a life, if you don't, go make one. It's a helpful first step in dating, you need something going on to talk about. Which leads me to my next point.....
2. Please have something to talk about and don't be annoyed to say the same thing over and over....
Nothing turns me off more than talking to a person who answers with one word answers. I get your asked the same question by different people every time you log on to your profile, but how do you expect someone to want to connect to you with an answer with "I work" or "Stuff". I think the rudest thing said to me was "It's all on my profile." I get you want people to read your profile, but I'd be a fool to think that every detail about you was contained in a 3000+ character box.
3. Profiles, profiles, profiles....
Lets talk about profiles, please do not put: "I'm a cool girl, look for someone to chill with" What are your interest, what makes you smile, who you be with...lol. No, seriously, if people can't get a sense of who you are from your profile why would they want to get to know you better. Make yourself memorable but not too memorable. I once read a profile of a guy who said he had seizures, two kids, gave up his driver's license and by the way, had a criminal record...Yes. I learned this all from reading his profile. I know you want to lay it all out on the table, but leave a little bit of you for the discussion part. 'K.
Bitter people, you don't know you're bitter but let me show you how I know you're bitter: You are the ones saying all men are dogs, I don't like gold diggers,liars, and cheaters and my all time personal favorite: I don't date black women,(note you look like Kunta Kinte from Roots) because they are evil, ghetto, and uneducated. Uhhh isn't your mother black? I repeat: this will not attract anyone!!! Even the people you aren't excluding from your search will not respond because it sets off their bitter and angry detector and they run to the next profile. Who wants to sign up for that?!?!?! Not I. In reality, who is really going to look on your profile and say "Oh I'm a liar so I'm not going to email them because they said no liars." Let me answer that one too: No one. This is not stopping anyone so STOP IT. Not saying it's wrong to have preference and standards, but there are ways to communicate it without looking like a bitter old shrew.
Last but not least spelling and grammar count: I know you young bucks like all this text talk, l8r,brb,hru, let me clue you in I hate it and most people will a bit of education and common sense over the age of 25+ do too. Please be able to string together a sentence because if you can't without the use of some weird text lingo it makes you look ignorant and uneducated. Also, I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine, meet spell check. I will admit it, I am an educated professional, but I've never won any spelling bee's, so guess what I read over everything I send and write so that it's clear and concise and devoid of any misspellings. You only get one chance to make a 1st impression, remember that!
4.It's okay for ladies to approach men....don't faint
While I'll admit the courage is lacking in person, as I've let many a cutie in a grocery store pass me by( I'm still working up the courage to do more than say hello and smile.) Online behind the comfort of my computer and the protection of my couch's soft arms, why not say hello. He might think you're amazing too and was working up the nerve to speak or you might have been not popped up in his random matches or his latest search and you could've been the love of his life. Ok, ok while it might not be that deep, what's the worst that can happen he emails back and says I'm not interested or he's wack (see above for one word answers). But you'll never have to stare at his profile and wonder what could've been because guess what you already know.
5. If you meet a loser, block their ass, and move on the next one
I hate people who meet one loser, wack-a-doodle, or generally bad match and their like instantly swearing off dating online. Would you stop dating if that one dude you met in said grocery store was boring or a complete loser? No, you would call your homegirl, rag on him and move on to the next one. Why can't you have the same principle here? Hey I have thee best online dating stories, it makes for a good girl chat over drinks, trust me!
6. If they're trying to move too fast they're either looking for something or looking for nothing
I always am cautious about guys who are trying to move offline after a few meaningless exchanges. To me, they are either looking for a quick booty call and can't send too many naked selfies over the internet or they just want to have someone to text when they are drunk or to stroke their egos. If you're feeling a little funky about moving it offline too quick, give 'em your google voice number and then if they just really liked you and knew instantly that you were the best thing since slice bread, because you are :-), then you move to an exchange regular phone numbers.
7. Do speak to person before you meet them:
Believe you me, I did this mistake once, and I ended up across the table from a social awkward loaf and in my head was screaming "Check please." It's important to talk because you find out some pretty interesting things: I've weeded out some questionable employment, some indescribable accents (It's Juh- Qwell not Jackel), and some general weirdos just in the first conversation. If you can't make good conversation on the phone most likely it's not going to go anywhere on the date either.Save yourself the bad date and a waste of an outfit. Plus most cellphones are free after 9pm anyways so you're not losing anything!
8. Do not make online dating your only source for meeting a potential partner
I have met a lot of people who create a profile or two, then they sit in the house expecting a man to come and meet them. It don't work like that. Go out, try new activities, go to the club with you girls, something, but get out there and still flirt. You wouldn't put one job application and just sit back and hope that you'll get the job. No you apply for all the jobs that match and hope the right one calls you back. Use the same methodology in dating.
That also works with people you're talking to, until you are officially dating, you are on the market. Be open to meeting new people even if you met a great guy on/off line. Something may pop up and change that and you now invested a month in and you've ignored several emails from suitable men and you're back at square one and nursing a wounded ego. Once you've established that the relationship is going somewhere then eliminate the other people.
9. Try multiple sites, like one free and one paid...
I know I don't like the recurring $29.99 from Match either, it significantly decreases how much shoes I can buy, but hear me out. People who are paying for their memberships 1. Have a job to afford things like paid dating websites so they can take you out on a date 2. Are more invested in finding love since they shelled out some coins 3. Most people on that site are actually looking for a relationship no one works that hard for a booty call, no one. Not saying it's a guarantee, but a lot of those websites such as Match do have a money back guarantee, play by their rules and try it out. Don't have the money: Cut back on something. Eat bagged lunch from now on 1. you'll be able to afford it and your waistline will be smaller since you're eating healthier now. You invest in your job, why not invest in your love life. It could be a win -win all around.
10. Have fun!
Yes being single sucks a rotten one, don't get me into my Celine Dion crooning, lol, but the journey to finding the right one might start with a click on a profile. You might not meet Mr. Right online, but you might meet some extremely fun people. As long as you're being safe about doing it, (public places only on the 1st couple dates please!) Take this as a time to try new things, but to also learn more about what you want in partner. A couple of missteps may have you making some of your own rules. Don't pressure yourself to meet the one right away, it'll all come in time and possibly a lot of meetings in coffee houses or better yet bars! Oooh bars...
Hope you enjoyed my tips! Anything else to add? Hit the comments below!
Toodles Darlings,
Jacquel
Good advice
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