Down with the swirl, but is the swirl down with me????

Image from www.beyondblackandwhite.com

With all this controversy around Serena William's appearance, and for the record, if her bodyis equated with looking like a man, I got two questions: where can I sign up and can I use Steve or Tom?

I digress,I digress but I did wanted to talk to you all a little  about relationships and dating. As all single black women who are in their 30's, are reminded if not by themselves, but by any family member with a mouth, that their biological clock is ticking (I keep trying to put mine on snooze, but to no avail I constantly hear the darn thing!) We are met with the myriad of questions regarding our single status and how to make it well for lack of a better term...Make it go away. I've heard the countless questions of  "Well have you asked to be set up?" "I'm sure one of your friends has a friend.Ask them?"  "Have you tried online dating?" And the list goes on and on...... And we  on the other side are bombarded with statics: black women are the least desireable because we are the most obese or black women are the least likely to get married and blah blah blah blah, but before you disregard this as another blog post going on and on about the woe is me black woman, I want to talk about what a lot of black women are "afraid to try" and that is dating outside of their race.

 I started thinking about this topic when my sister and I were having a discussion,about yes, what else.... my dating life and she asked the question, "Are you open to it?" I said with confidence "Sure I am" she hesitated and said, "Are you really?" and I paused and thought about it am I really. Not that I haven't dated outside of my race before but in the 15 years I've been dating I've only dated 1 Hispanic man and 1 one white man and I began to think. Why am I not dating out of my race? Why have I not dated another white guy? I also began to think about how I actively use online dating, yes I am online dating and so are thousands of other people, so it's nothing to be ashamed of anymore. But how despite the large number of white men I see on these sites, there are quite a few who may browse my profile, but very few actually approach me. And the one's who do are looking for what I've gotten from plenty of black brothers, as well, straight objectification, too strong of a come on, and request for them to allow them to do strange things to my anatomy. In any case...  While I think of myself as a catch, I'm college educated, I have a stable job, I smell good, and the list goes on and on.... I can say yes I am open to dating outside of my race, but are they open to dating me??????

 I began to troll research the internet for what white men found attractive and I stumbled on a very interesting message board on www.gamespot.com, nonetheless, on was it a poll and question was is it "Rare for a a white man to be attracted to a black women?" The outright poll was a little less than equal with about 44% stating "Yes it was rare" and 56% stating "No, it's not rare" and a 4% of undecided folk who couldn't make up their minds about whether a white guy could be attracted to a black woman..... While I figured most of the respondents were white, so that left me a bit perplexed, but hey,if you can't figure it out, I sure can't.

Some of the free text responses left me astonished. There were some that were short cut and dry like "absolutely not, as their dark skin looks masculine." or my personal favorite of how one white man told the story of his ghetto neighbor with the banging body with the $50 section 8 rent who "screamed at her kids all day long." and he made her the representative for all black women everywhere. (Gee thanks!) Or my favorite where they posted the  women on the left as their preferance and the woman on the right as less desirable
 vs
Which I found quite amusing because short of a little filtering with my good friend Photoshop, a good push up bra, and a flat iron. They were pretty much very similar in build and looks.
But fear not, there were plenty of men stating that black women were attractive and/or that for every black ugly woman there were White, Asians, or Hispanic ones who were just as ugly. Some even stated how wonderful we are (warms my little soul).

So many of you may wonder what is the recipe stepping out of our black men only comfort zone in terms of dating? I say you have to be comfortable with your choice, as you may get a lot of flack for stepping out of your race from your momma, your cousins, and even with black men (especially the ones who were never interested in you but felt it important that you know his displeasure with you for dating a white man, yea that one). It's an a powerful personal decision as to when the quest for love becomes bigger than the quest to have black love and black love only, or to continue to vindicate that you always saw love as colorblind.
I searched the list serves and found an interesting read for how to attract a white man as a black woman and it gave the following hints:
1. Don't be afraid to approach him, if a white man is attracted to you, he may not know what to say or maybe intimidated.
2. White men may not be as aggressive as a black men if he does approach you  it so often times appears as casual conversation that may actually be flirting.
3. Speak proper (I just gagged in my mouth, why would you not do this with any man your interested in despite the race?!?!?!)
4. Don't hang in a large group of black men, his natural assumption is that one of them maybe your boyfriend or ie scary older brother.....

I generally feel that these tips can be applied to any race of men, as I say if  you want something bad enough you have to put the energy to attract it.  As I always say, at the end of the day closed mouths don't get fed! So heres to being fearless, especially when it comes to love..... no matter what the skin color is.

Toodles Darlings,
Jacquel

A tale of two weight loss.....Jacquel's Story

Amira and I both started to get serious about dropping weight for our own unique reasons in June and we just wanted to keep you updated with our progress and how we are doing and most importantly who won the BET!

Jacquel:

Starting weight: 243 lbs Size:18-20

Current weight: 233.6 lbs Size: 16-18

So I started my weight loss journey on June 1st,  26 days shy of my 31st birthday, I wanted to make this change for a few reasons: 1st was  because while Amira talked about the amazefest time we had at the Roots festival, what she didn't tell you was how bad I was limping after it. I'd admit while my shoes didn't have the great support, and I put inserts in them to help out and add for comfort, or so I thought, my feet has never hurt that bad in my life!!!! I began to worry if I had the beginnings of plantar fasciitis, as I had some the risk factors for it (overweight and flat feet). I felt since this was the only health related I've experienced based on my weight (Nope lets clear this up for the negative nancies and debbie downers, not all big people are walking health bombs,I do not have diabetes, hypertension, or high cholesterol), but  I needed to see if I could do something to prevent it from getting worse, so I decided to start losing weight.
My 2nd reason  is while my weight has always been a struggle for me, I've always had curves. No matter what size I was my curves stayed put and shined through my clothing. Since I hit my heaviest, which I was at now btw, I was more Stay Puff Marsh mellow man (you know the one from Ghostbusters)and less Gabifresh, (not that I'm hating on anyone who is that round, as long as you feel your baddest, I say ROCK OUT). I for the 1st time in my life HATED shopping and multiple pairs of pants laughed at me everytime I tried to put them on. I had to get it together!!!

How I did it: 
I began to search for recipes on Pintrest that was low calorie, high protein, and low carbs, but most importantly the meals had to be tasty, I love food! I earned this weight honestly, lol. I absolutely can not eat salad day in and day out! So I meal prepped on Sundays evenings for about 3 hours, I would make two food options for both lunch and dinner so that I wouldn't get bored and if I had time I made a wild card meal to switch it up. What can I say? I get bored easily. I had Salmon, Tilapia,turkey-roni cauliflower casserole and even made stuffed pepper philly cheesesteaks. Instead of rice I used couscous and quinoa as a side to most proteins and mixed in seasoned Bush's black beans for an extra kick.

For breakfast, I usually had green smoothies with yogurt, spinach, and a variety of fruits. or a boiled egg and fruit, in a rush I had boxed oatmeal from Trader Joes or Quaker stashed in my desk, and some days I wanted to feel froggy I had baked hasbrowns, eggs, and turkey sausage. Must try recipe "Apple pie green smoothie" from Pintrest. I completely cut out  junk food ( replaced my chip addiction with variety of popcorn flavors) and dropped candy 95% out of my diet (ok, ok, ok  I had one incident with a roll of Rolos, but otherwise I behaved myself and I am a self identified candy-aholic) and juice out of my diet and replaced it with fruit infused water, please see the B.L.I.S.S. Girl life Facebook page for some suggestions, I replaced my morning orange juice for a fresh orange. I gave up my stress relieving glass of wine at night, but didn't go completely cold turkey and allowed myself to drank alcohol on weekends in small quantities. 

I also began to work out at least 4 days a week for at least 30 minutes per workout. Two days a week, I did a mixture of cardio lasting at least 30 minutes and then did 4-5 strength training exercises with weights and then did a 3 ab focused exercises, I also went on YouTube set up a workout playlist so on days, I couldn't make it to the gym or had a short workout window (check out @keairalashae on @SuperherofitnessTV she has really fun dance videos that make you work up a sweat), I worked out at 5:15 am (and I am not a morning person) and did exercise videos. I also discovered a love of  Pilates. I've also incorporated swimming at least once a week. 

What people don't tell you:
Everyone is so quick to tell you their story or their journey, but no one ever mentions how hard it is! Rearranging your schedule, trying to fit fitness in when you work everyday and have a social life (imagine if I had kids!), and making sure you eat healthy is no joke.Coupled with the fact that I'm an emotional eater and that has been the hardest challenge to overcome! After a long day, sometimes I just want a burger! I constantly have to pep talk myself on my drive home past Chick-Fil-a, Sonic, Burger King, Wendy's and McDonald's (yes all in a 3 miles radius!). Most people sugar coat the not so good feelings you have when you're working out, such as when you've been working so hard and the scale jumps back up 5 lbs, OMG I felt so defeated! Or how even though you feel great and swear those pants that couldn't fit, will fit, doesn't button (but is on it's way too) no matter what it still bruises your ego. I'm here to say keep going because I know I am.

My advice:
Groups are AWESOME, it doesn't have to be formal like weight watchers, but get a group together on groupme. Hold each other accountable, on days you don't feel like going let them egg you on, and make work out dates with your friends, and maybe they'll show you a new move or two or even share a new recipe that you haven't thought off.

Do this for you! Not anyone else, not to please your family or your friends, because weight loss after 30.....yeah..... You have to have a purpose.

THE BET:

So there you have it and the winner of the BET......drum roll please....

Was..

AMIRA.... 

Although the outfit fit me, I didn't like the fit at all..... So we are going to let keep it and see if it looks a little better as I continue on my weight loss journey, I still want to loose another 18 lbs by the end of the summer and my goal size is between a size 12-14. 

 Check out my newly found face chisel and oh my I'm beginning to see collarbone....lol.....

5/31/15

                                                     6/20/15